“I was in floods of tears for 25 seconds… then I was alright,” says former Counter Terrorism Advisor, Paul Rees, reflecting on sharing his story for the first time publicly.
For decades, Paul had been a closed book. Raised by his grandparents and uncle in a family where military service ran through the generations, he was taught early that “boys don’t cry.”
Military culture only reinforced that lesson: And so, he did – even through harrowing experiences in Libya and the personal struggles that followed.
During his military career, Paul began with The Queen’s Dragoon Guards, serving in deployments to Northern Ireland, Bosnia, Kosovo, and Iraq. After his service, he moved into frontline counter terrorism as a Private Security Consultant, operating in some of the world’s most volatile environments over 14 years, including Libya, Yemen, and Iraq. Constantly facing high-risk situations, he had to maintain total emotional control simply to survive, witnessing and enduring experiences that tested him at every level.
Like many in the military, he learned to compartmentalise everything – locking his experiences away to keep functioning – a habit that stayed with him long after he left service.
He never imagined he’d say yes to a podcast based entirely on his life. “I felt like a turtle, poking my head out,” he recalls, thinking back to the nerves leading up to the interview. “[I felt] Overwhelmed, anxious. I hadn’t spoken about some of this since 2019. I initially thought I was going to be interviewing Jay Morton. Oh, how wrong I was!” he joked.
But once he allowed himself to open up, Paul felt an immediate weight lift off his shoulders. “The more you talk about it, the less power it has. It gives you closure,” he explains. He stresses that the process doesn’t erase the trauma, but it diminishes its hold, transforming years of silence into something manageable.
The emotional aftermath of the podcast was immediate. Driving home after the recording, he found himself reaching out to people he normally wouldn’t.
His first call, of course, was to his wife: “It was rough, I was very emotional driving home. My wife was laughing at me because the tears stopped as quickly as they started, and I was back to being okay,” he recounts.
For Paul, speaking about his experiences is more than therapy – it’s an act of defiance against the silence that trauma demands.
Now, as an Evangelical Pastor, and through his work with Veterans for Veterans, he finds that sharing his experiences can help others process their own.
“The fear is still there – the dread of revisiting memories – but the relief you feel is so much stronger. Every conversation chips away at the silence, at the control trauma has over you,” he admits. Prior to the podcast, he hadn’t told anyone the full story except his wife, yet each conversation reinforces a vital truth: the act of speaking is powerful.
The truth is, opening up about how you feel doesn’t come naturally for most men. When a lifetime of being told to ‘put up and shut up’ is wired into you, vulnerability isn’t instinctive – it’s something you have to fight for. Speaking honestly about how you’re feeling can feel completely impossible. But it’s also where change begins, in the courage to unlearn silence, to feel what you buried, and to finally let yourself be heard.
Paul finishes, “Talking about your trauma doesn’t fix everything, but it shifts something inside. It opens a door. And if sharing it helps even one person, it’s worth every bit of fear to get it out there.”
You can watch the full podcast now, where Paul talks for the first time publicly about his experience in Libya under Gaddafi’s control, on our Veterans for Veterans YouTube Channel.